When you can’t go to bed …
Because you haven’t done enough for the character yet. I’m too tired to write anymore. Isn’t changing anything. I can’t close the computer. Can’t move to bed. All because I feel like she hasn’t yet been honored. I know why. In the character sketch, I am at the part where her heart breaks. Where my heroine must accept her “place.” But in the actual writing, she’s just letting her heart open. I feel like I should stop the story where it is. This isn’t about some woman with too much going on who needs a lighthouse. It’s about a woman who has never once been a priority and for a brief moment, allows herself to pretend she becomes one. I want to scream at my pages for her to stop. For her to not send that email. For her to not reach across the table and touch that hand. I want to fix the story and make it happy.
The truth – it doesn’t work that way.
So I’m up. Scrolling through tumblr and pretending that twitter will answer my questions and my brain is just cycling with ideas.
Would it be so bad for her to find that happiness in a way we as readers understand it? Does she have to find her peace elsewhere?
The answer? Yes.
Actually … these lyrics from Tablescrap (By Stolen Babies) seem to fit so well to what this character is thinking …
“You were a scratch on a paper, ink and a voice,
Not meant to look back at me,
Then something or someone played a joke,
Put on a twisted show,
And there we were.
I remember just listening, looking up to a fantasy, ‘Til the day it was right in front of me…”