Where I’ve been and what I’m dreaming of …

Approximately six weeks ago, I stumbled onto A Room of Her Own. It was a link tagged in the Virginia Woolf tag on tumblr. The link led me to this website that opened up a whole new world for me. An application that granted what was necessary for female writers – a room of one’s own and funding to maintain it. Within moments, I’d downloaded the application. What happened after was mind-blowing.

 Honestly, not that much of the application was all that frightening to me. I was ready for the questionnaire and even the concepts posted in the financial statements and the marketing ideas. I’ve been through a lot of it already while preparing for working with pubslush.com. What I wasn’t ready for was the realization that for as much as I say it to other people, I needed to say it to myself.

 To succeed, I need more help than I have. Not only that, I need to ask for it.

 It’s one thing to accept the help given in a writer’s group situation. But I am in control of what I turn in, how often I write, and even the critques I choose to listen to. But to actively say, “I have come to the end of what I am capable of on my own” is a completely different world. A day after submitting my application, I find myself wondering when it will all sink in.

But the other thing that has stayed with me is the fact that I admit for the first time, even to myself, that I’ve been censoring my characters. I have gay characters and straight characters but in my first novel, the one I’ve been submitting here and there and winning awards for, I haven’t accepted my protagonist’s bisexuality. I said it. I admitted it. Now I get to face that reality as I keep writing and submitting

 But now, I wait. Now I return to writing. I am not participating in NanoWrimo. I need the break from any kind of pressured writing. Now I’m going to blog and play with fanfiction and get to know my characters again.

 Keep your fingers crossed. 


About vegawriters

Writer. Metalhead. Pitbull Mom. Geek. Bisexual. Poly. Activist.

Posted on November 1, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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