You know, I can ramble about inspiration as much as I want to, but inspiration does not translate into getting shit done. It really doesn’t. I mean come on, it is so easy to sit around and be inspired by TV and books and movies and the way the snow falls on the bushes outside and the way Adam Duritz breaks my heart every single time in Raining in Baltimore, but you know what … inspiration is not a what gets shit done. It’s what triggers us to get shit done.
So today, in between laundry (hey, I got that done) and vacuuming (working on it) and dishes (sigh) I sat down, cranked up the Counting Crows, and wrote out my goals for writing for this year.
See, I was kind of waiting to do it. Don’t ask me why … because I’ll tell you. I had applied for a grant that would allow for a big chunk of money over a two year period and as a result, I’d be able to do things like write. I didn’t get it, which is fine. On a logical level, I knew that for as qualified as I felt I was, I am also young and it was one of the first big grants I’d ever applied for. But logic doesn’t always break through to the dreamer and so I wanted to wait and see how next year was going to unfold for me. And when I got the letter saying that I didn’t get the grant, I realized I had to kick my butt back into gear.
So today I sat down and sketched out 20 goals for myself for the year. Some are small and easy like “allow myself time in fandom without feeling guilty” and some are much, much bigger and will require outlines and thought processes and a lot of hard work that at times can feel completely overwhelming. But it’s one of those things where it’s important just to get back on the horse.
Last year, my writing priorities were a little different. This year is a good reset. It’s not just about hitting my mid-thirties a week ago, which I did. But about making a conscious decision to move forward with the writing process. And these goals are good goals and probably each of them deserve a post at some point. Today though I just wanted to put it out there that they’re set. They’re good to go. And now
You know, honestly, it’s kind of scary to be putting myself out there like this. To be writing out my life as a writer, from goals to inspiration. I mean these are things we keep private so often, even in this internetly connected world. Go on tumblr or twitter and you can see my passions and what I fangirl over. But this, this part of me that wants the future, I’m putting it here for people to find. It’s kind of scary. But I guess that’s the point of writing: to get out of ourselves. To let ourselves be scared.
Happy Saturday. I’m hosting an Open Mic tonight. Talk about going out of my usual style.